Word Choice Example

Advanced/5:  1  2  3  4  5 Remember my Dream Seth came stumbling out of the forest to a clearing where the trees met the paved road. He was frozen with fear at the sight of the semi-truck stopped in the middle of it and Magi's crippled bike underneath. His brow was drenched in sweat and his clothes were soiled from the long run through the forest from the cabin. Catching his breath, he slowly walked around the front of the truck to see Magi lying in the middle of the road. He ran to her, asking her what to do. Magi's trembling voice spoke, "I wanted to show you everything." "You will," he answered. I could no longer fight back the tears, so I let go. I let myself quietly sob and allowed the salty tears to trickle down my flushed cheeks and into my trembling hand. I thought to myself, "He gave up everything he knew, everything he existed for to be with her, only for her to die the next day." I took the tape out of the VCR and looked at myself in the mirror. I felt horrible. I felt the pain of the two lovers as though it were me in the film. I collapsed to the floor, gripping the marble sink above my head. I hated feeling this way. I absolutely despise it. I cried for the two strangers and for myself, wondering why it had to end that way and in part, wondering if ever a man would give something so dear to him to be with me. Then it struck me! That is exactly what I want to do--I have known all along, but now it is so clear. I want to make people feel sorrow, joy and anger. I want to be an actress.

Acceptable/3:  1  2  3  4  5 The Adventure Glacius awoke from the raggedy blanket he always kept with him. The cold chill of the early morning blew across the high mountain top. He was not cold however, it was far too refreshing and enchanting to be uncomfortable. As the young man overlooked the large valley he saw the lush and great forest that spread across the whole area so thick it was like a large green carpet. You could make out a few large cities which almost poked through the tall canopy.. After brewing a small cup of his favorite herbal tea, the young man decided it was time to descend into the unknown and unseen that lay before him, spread out across the valley below. So with that thought he was off down the narrow trail below, ready to face any and all danger below without fear, maybe. After several hours of walking on the narrow trail, he came before a small shack that seemed to have been very quickly erected. You could see by the smoke rising from the chimney so at least someone was home, weather or not the person inside was friendly was yet to be seen.

Unacceptable/1:  1  2  3  4  5 The Boxing Match I watch the opponet siting in the corner, all six foot one inch, two-hundred pounds glaring at me. As the tenth round bell rings, I go out to fignt the opponet. I take three steps towards the defender only to get a right smashed against my face. The impact is like a baseball bat connecting to a baseball as I stumble back into the ropes, spit flies out of my mouth, like a flock of geese fleeing the water as a shotgun blast enters towards them. Blood pouring down my face like a crimson river over a waterfall. My face looking like I was battered by an coming train I thought I could beat. Yet all of this destruction to a face which was in perfect condition only forty minutes ago, has the signiture of my opponet written all over it. The damage was caused by two equal size arms with mass of incredibly swollen baseballs and speed of a stealth fighter plane. As I bounce off the ropes, the opponet steps through the punch that I was supposed to land and connects to my left ear.

View the Descriptor for this Trait View the Rubric for this Trait

Voice Example

Main Menu

Sentence Fluency Example